Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
I dont know, my roommate got arrested but I'm gunna get some tacos no matter what
I was officially considered the drunkest person in cuba when the bartender at the swim up bar made me wear a life jacket for 'safety purposes'
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Well Its not like I planned having my potato launcher explode and burn off my eyebrow and eye lashes.. I still have my right eyebrow can't u just be happy?
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
the amount I squirted last night was insane. Im glad i ignored tlc's advice, i went chasing waterfalls and loved every god damn minute of it.
You know you're a heffer when you discover chocolate frosting on your smoking apparatus
I said his dick tasted like a Hawaiian Sweet Roll. And then I yelled MAHALO.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
You know I've done a lot of messed up stuff. But I never thought I would have to put a bandaid on my dick. Yet here we are.
How drunk you think somebody has to be, that they think that putting out a profile pic like that can be even a slightly good idea?
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
My manager is trying to help me find a good career path, and I'm trying to find a professional way to tell him I just wanna smoke and fuck.
Randomize
