How do you jack off and text at the same time?
On my iPhone they have an app for that
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
Do you know any thirteen year old jewish kids? I'm looking for a party.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
we took shots then she made me eat a dill pickle with cream cheese wrapped in a piece of turkey.
Tomorrow's thirsty thursday is now sponsored by the three time champion, chemisty failure. celebration starts asap.
I'm gonna eat you out. But for science
Nobody will take a lit match to your nipple without warning you this time. Pinky swear.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I'll give you a blowjob in a Santa hat if it will put you in the Christmas spirit
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Last time we had sex i was dressed like a ninja turtle and someone else was in our bed, so this time should be fine.
I hope ur kiddin
wish i was
Randomize
