Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
all ill say about last night is that we tried to stop you. oh and the bus you're on is going to nashville.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I found a horn on the street but it's okay I disinfected it with vodka
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
fuck you and your stupid hot as hell face
Just seen a chubby version of you. Nearly kidnapped her. Perfect woman
The last time I saw her someone was carrying her on a bike and she was yelling that she was E.T.
I have got to move on from this "sleeping with every drug dealer I meet" phase.
Grandma cant send me 4 lbs of gummi bears and expect me not to soak them in some sort of alcohol
Yay I only have ONE giant mystery bruise from yesterday
This sucks! All of the twenty something dick I was getting went home when the university closed
The strippers who live across the street set up a decently professional stage on their front balcony and a banner for a go fund me... I think we're gonna get a show.
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