can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
Changing from sweatpants to jeans at 3 in the afternoon makes the day seem so much more productive than it actually was.
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
Turns out puking in your mask makes it even harder to see out of the mask..
My lecture teach is passed out next to me. I think I'm doing pretty good for a freshman.
the last thing I heard was you screaming as the rodeo team herded you to the next party
Bang-toberfest begins!!
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
Then he texted me that I was the "good kind" of fat.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
That's when I realized I was probably naked in the wrong bed
It all started with a game of naked twister.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
