You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
Hes still not moving. At what point does 'hungover' become 'hospital-time?'
your brother is wearing shin guards in the swimming pool. i have a feeling that this happens often
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
Ps. The strap-on in the pic i sent you last night was not mine. Just wanted to clear that up.
I wonder if our vaginas are like "o thank god, no strangers breaking in tonight." Baahhhh sooo bad
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I think I'm in love. He's everything I ever wanted for myself, just with a lot more drugs.
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
The other day, he sent me a snapchat of his dick in the forest. He captioned it "nature nudes."
My bail money is reserved for people I either A, think were in the right, or B, have an awesome story that leads up to needing it. Just remember that before you call me.
Anyway, all that to say that tiny penises are a hassle.
I'm glad you found someone that both loves you and is cool doing coke off your tits. Proud of you.
Maybe you should slow down tonight...
KINGS DON'T NEED ADVICE FROM LITTLE HORN-BILLS FOR A START
Do NOT. I repeat. DO NOT call me little one after we have fucked. In no world is that ok. Even jesus agrees.
Randomize
