Doo rag and shades in the bar. You are missing your future husband.
Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
And then she said we stopped for a train and i tried crawling out the back window.. again, i dont remember this.
I feel like every car around me knows I'm driving in my snuggie
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
couldnt find a condom. used a surgical glove instead. actually worked and the sex was great. thanks nursing school
I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
You're like Jane Goodall in a forest of gay men. Someday your autobiography will be called "Bottoms in the Mist".
Did we seriously just get into a fist fight over kit kats?
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
Quick question—how good are you at digging holes? I mean, besides the one you've dug for yourself. asking for a friend
Yesterday I went home with one shoe, today I go home with three. Fucking win.
Going to the eye doctors drunk makes you feel like your doing a sobriety test! They have to know..
Randomize
