..well, okay, so long as I don't have to wear an apron or vaccum in high heels.
nope just do me i'm drunk and easy to plz
that's almost as bad as that time i almost ashed in a baby carriage
I can't remember much about walking home last night. I think I kicked a dog.
There's a certain level of slut that i can handle.... I think she just broke that scale
I keep replaying commercials about kittens frolicking and was crying nonstop. WILL MY PERIOD LAST FOREVER!?
you called me at 4 in the morning and invited me over for pasta and a late night viewing of titanic.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
How do you clean puke off a stuffed bear?
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
Also that boy who jizzed in me wearing Cowboy boots and a plaid shirt snapped me at 4 am and said "I owe you a dinner. Sorry"
Those people that talk about exercise endorphins have never experienced a 9x13 pan of mac n cheese endorphins
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
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