Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
I'm sorry, but the way we fuck, they don't make condoms strong enough not to break
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
I would like you to know I am eating your apology chocolate, which means i forgive you for puking everywhere before formal
Sexting across continents is really a perfect example of how far technology has come.
I thought it was improvement but then i realized sex isn't an emotion and I hate everyone
I ain't lettin her quit anyway. We don't fuck enough for her to meet the housewife requirements
I just bought sparkling water with plan B. I am the most basic bitch to ever exist.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
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