Tell your broad to take a big shot of 'chill the fuck out' and put it on my tab.
I'm gonna answer everything she says with 'cum on da face' until she breaks up with me...great idea or greatest idea?
my neighbors garage sale is really cutting into the time of day when i can smoke weed on my deck.
Um I think everyone drunk and there's some douche on violin.
New level of stoned. My Terry's Chocolate Orange didn't 'whack-and-unwrap' so I ate it like an apple.
Theres a 75% chance I'm wearing a hocky mask and nothing else right now
Ps I am
fries before guys. food before dudes. shakes before dates. chips before dicks. lemon bars before football stars. macaroni before screwin' tony. what i'm saying is please come to ladies' night
He has a burner phone just to send dick pics. It's revolutionary
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
Well... I got her number now... I think she is a dish best served drunk
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
we just smoked for like ten hours and got froyo. not a bad start to the weekend.
It was horribly awesome. Its like looking at the sun, you know its bad for you but I just couldn't stop looking.
He weighed maybe 130, his dick had to be 30 of it. SO BIIIIG.
Randomize
