idk hes just been lookin at me weird all night
he probably just wants to cut your skin off and wear you like a body suit
How the hell can the Olympic committee frown so much on weed and yet put on a show you would have to be high to actually enjoy?
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
Of course it's dangerous. Why else would they hire us after we failed the drug test?
I don't think a check that has "thx for the drugs" on the note is really gonna fly.
She tried to escape and she fell and hit the door. She's gunna freak when she wakes up with only half a tooth.
You put Smirnoff in your grape juice and called it communion...
I hear the sound of that stray bird you rescued from the kitchen but am too busy drunkenly masturbating to feed it
I was going through my mom's stuff to find her xanax, and I found her vibrators instead. Plural. That is like the opposite of what I wanted.
My tights ended up on the driveway folded neatly. Any ideas how that happened?
So he came on my stomach this morning and I totally forgot about it until after you poured that body shot.
You couldn't even walk but you came into the kitchen with the funnel and begged me to put beer in it
I jizzed in his mayonnaise and put it back in the fridge. Shouldn't have stolen my weed.
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Decided to stay sober a couple days, learned how exceptionally stupid my coworkers are. Might have to quit now. Moral of the story:be careful where you go sober.
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