Given my current decline of critical thinking and capacity for speech it's probably best u call the cops
An there's a little girl across the bar eating Mac n cheese... #1 she won't stop looking at me. Boo bitch I'm drinking alone. #2 I'm about to tackle her ass for that Mac n cheese.
He said he wanted to make me his Twinkie, "filled with his delicious cream." ABSOLUTELY 100% NO YOU MAY NOT REPEAT ****NOT**** GIVE HIM MY NUMBER EVER EVER EVER. Please confirm receipt and full comprehension of this message.
At this point if I didn't go to work hungover I think the whole place would think something is wrong
Your boobs are like a big quesadilla marker
Haha keeping the dream alive until Chinese New Year. I'm jobless with stitches in my face.
Because everytime she talks to you she goes in her room and plays Come Sail Away on repeat. Can't take this shit anymore Jake
all I'm saying is that my epic blow jobs have made grown professional football players cry in ecstasy
I can't go to class, I have all this weed to sell
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
They think I'm one of them. I'm about to get drunk in a Santa suit and bust down the door singing Christmas carols.
I know her cup size but not her name....
thank you for the vibrator recommendation, i've come six times today and it's only noon
Randomize
