You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
He said "ride me pocahontas" while I was on top of him last night
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
Boxed wine mondays was one of our finer ideas
I am both excited and frightened by the fact that this much everclear is legal here. Best vacation ever.
I just need a text that says "put that food down bitch" and then maybe I'll lose water weight through tears
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
I don't remember... but puking on the bar sounds like me.
can we for just one second remember that I played with a homeless man's rat at st marks?
You know what id love more than anything right now? ..a back rub while eating biscuits and gravy
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
What's the best way to tell someone that I accidentally wound up in a gay harem?
I got my gum stuck on his balls.
Sorry about the confusion with the nudes last night that was rude
On a scale of 1 to shit show you were "i just pissed myself"
Randomize
