Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
Just joined the godiva rewards club. Who's the fat friend now.
when she asked me if it was possible to swim under north america i knew it was time to leave.
he called AT&T to make sure that he had insurance before he threw his cell phone into the fountain.
Oh they knew you from a bachelorette party! You were the pole?
Ohhh shit yeah that was me. Fuck. I hate myself when I do that.
he fucked me to the beat of the construction going on outside my house. i will never look at jackhammers the same ever again.
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
he came during what was supposed to be the foreplay blowjob. there goes my evening.
Started crying to "that's the way it is" by celine. What the fuck uterus?!
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
He just texted me asking for his shirt back and I said I didn't have it and then I ran into him 5 minutes later while wearing the said shirt
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Fuck my life he IS a stripper, Ive been sleeping with a stripper named Phoenix. damnit, I knew the sex was too good
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
Randomize
