why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Her boobs were tiny. I could have used her bra as a blind fold. Which in hindsight would have made things a lot better.
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
He said he wanted to have kids with me so they could grow up to be professional linebackers. Not. A. Complient.
I'm trying to think of how to explain to the dentist tomorrow that I think I pulled my jaw muscle eating pizza while drunk.
I'm sorry you were dumb enough to get played by a male cheerleader
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
more embarrassing than that time i showed up to class in my hoodie and leggings because i over slept, and then as i zipped my hoodie down i realized i didn't sleep with a bra on or a shirt
It's official. This guy and I are going gay for each other. We're tasting the fucking rainbow.
I have tan lines from my nipple rings.
You know you have a problem when your man yells at you that his penis is not your personal play toy.
Last night was a sign that I need to stop sleeping with any girl that can quote the mighty ducks
Specially the ones that look like Goldberg
Ever try to swallow something and have it go up into your nose instead? Yeah, I just sneezed bacon.
Randomize
