first i yelled "you cant get it up?" and then in the middle of it i opened a Corona
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
I learned 3 things lastnight....1. Turkeys are related to the t-rex. 2. Whales have leg bones cause they used to walk. 3. I will sing drunk in the waffle house, but not during karaoke in the bar
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
You and the dog were competed for the water dish
Dude tried texting you during but she threw my pants too far away
You are my mentor.
I drank wine out of a protein shake bottle last night. You may want to rethink that statement.
Please come quick there are people in suits here judging me
All I am going to say is this: I woke up with lots of bruises on my knees from running around on all fours being a 'dinosaur'. Either girls night in went terribly wrong or terribly right.
drunk brunch me or lose me forever
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
Oh, do you remember telling everyone you were with that your vagina was angry last night?
Her pegging playlist is all heavy metal so stay away if you wanna keep your ass intact
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