But if ***** wants to get filthy... Tell her to throw a text my way ;)
First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
I just dry heaved the smell of jagerbombs....which proceeded to make me hurl for real.
We did lines off of a Whitney Houston CD case. That makes everything okay.
WERE YOU GOING TO TELL ME THERE WAS A LOAF OF BANANA BREAD IN THE OVEN BEFORE YOU LEFT FOR A 5 HOUR SHIFT??
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Just did coke off of a cross necklace and am headed to the strip club. Happy Easter!
I thought my period ended but I felt it again as soon as Pitbull started playing
He showed me his night stand drawer...it has one too many sex things in it.
Exactly how many...is TOO many?
Everyone here knows me as 'that chick who will most likely steal your girlfriend'. My 99% success rate tells me this name is acceptable.
AHHHHHHHHH. I LEFT A GLASS NEXT TO ME WHEN I FELL ASLEEP I'M SO SURE IT WAS WATER BUT NOW IT'S VODKA JESUS MADE A STOP
The convent might be a nice break from real life
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Well I only snuggle him I don't hump him. That's rude.
Randomize
