Only your vagina holds the key to what happened last night.
I still cannot believe I yelled at every guy at the bar "you wanna get in this clam?!"
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Holy hangover, going dancing with family good idea, taking the last shot with the transvestite bar owner not so much...
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
Dear me: Drinking & crying tonight, my place, 9pm sharp. Love, your life
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
if i get arrested im counting on you to get a picture of it
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
Also I'd apologize for texting you flipping my shit about the science of hair growth while I was shrooming last night but we know each other better than that
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
If you get banged by this bartender you know you can't be mad at me right? Its the rules.
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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