Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
there is cereal in my wallet where all the cash used to be.
I have to verbally tell you. He looks good on paper...but he totally fails in person. Like communism.
I swear he shrunk like 2 inches. Remind me that drunk sex needs to remain drunk sex.
Hey on the reals though tomorrow if i take you out to lunch as just a friend will you also suck my cock as just a friend?
You misunderstood me....i wasnt asking and it is not negotiable
You're making this sound more like a hostage situation than a booty call.
It's official, the cities waste management does not recycle porn.
Just played slippy cup. Flip cup plus slip n slide. What did you do with your fourth of july?
This is true. I'm still having Jess write "no drugs" on my left hand and "except weed" on my right hand
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
You tried paying your tab with the coaster
Wait you took his virginity AND broke his bed doing it
I know! I’m the best!
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