Ended up passed out drunk in the neighbors lawn, still in costume. Neighbors thought I was a lawn decoration. Ten points for best Halloween ever.
if i hear one more christmas song, i will fucking shoot myself.
Suck a a big bag of reindeer cock bud. Sent from church. See you in hell
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I'm sitting at my desk looking through our payroll system photos to find my next boyfriend. Abuse of power or awesome?
Dreamed I made out with a stranger after falling out of a car, let's make this happen tonight.
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
remember how i yelled at you for inviting that coke dealer to the party?! i found the $100 bill they were snorting with in the couch.
..new slutty dresses or booze? i won't even waste time with the i told you so.
Halfway through lecture, some kid in the front row threw up IN his hands. Professor held the door for him to carry it out.
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
I thought it was pretty weird, but after the marinating loins thing, i figured i'd roll with it.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
Randomize
