dear santa what can i do with your candy cane?
and thats when i went through the window and a shard of glass got stuck in my ass. the doctor said it was the best injury hed seen all month. i am a champion of life.
Just washed my feet between classes in the bathroom...Four girls totally judged me...
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
he literaly had industrial grade plastic underneth his blankets
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Tonight will bring shame to my future grandchildren.
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I think I just ate eggs off of a plate covered in cocaine.
Wait, just ask him if can you can join in. You haven't lived until you've taken part in a threesome with your father...or so I've heard
Someone drunkenly cleaned and organized my car last night... Nothing's missing, so that's a plus.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
See, I'm just thinking of how...angular my room is. You probably would have sustained brain damage
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
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