Dude. Fucked her last night. Fucked her this morning. went downstairs for water. took 18 pack of Coors Light instead and took it back to my gf's. Got a blow job from her. Drinking the beer on my deck now. Best Day ever.
I don't remember. Are we still dating?
Just got mistaken for a cardboard cutout ad in line at Taco Bell. New low?
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I have major gossip for you.
Oh no, did you have sex last night?
If I had sex last night I'd probably post it on facebook. It's been that long and I'd be that excited.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
Biggg time. I found 2 empty packages of extenze in my car this am.... not sure what that was all about
A particularly funny moment you may have missed; you walked in to the basement to announce that whoever was cooking sausages had left them on the grill for Hella long, only to be told that you were in fact the person grilling. At which point you just said, "the sausages are done" and walked out
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
My mom purposely got me drunk so I can stay at her house bc "we don't spend enough time together." I blacked out anyway, so we didn't spend time together regardless.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
