i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
i just used the Cadillac of toilet papers. For a minute i actually forgot i was even wiping my ass....i thought i was floating butt first into heaven
She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
the teacher just ate a hash brownie and passed out on the bus best field trip 2010'
So did u puke in his bathroom or all over his Olympic medals? Please say medals...
I just had a vision of confetti exploding out of someone's vagina to the sound of air horns... I think that would be welcoming.
I like the way you think.
I know this is random but to this day I regret not having sex with you on that atv on the top of that mountain underneath the American flag.
His 21st birthday is in the middle of shark week, it's meant to be.
You know being hammered seven days in a row can do serious damage to your liver.
Text me on Monday and make sure I'm still alive
I feel like we need a drunken piñata bash with your face being the piñata and my hopes and dreams being the stick
My mom just told me she would flash her tits to a cop to get me out of jail, and then we high-fived.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
I completely forgot I gave up beer. But airports don't count. They're like international waters. No rules.
Well that's disappointing. I guess I'll give a lesson on dick-breaking another time then
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Randomize
