you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
So in our children's lit class, some jackass little boy had gone thru the where's waldo book and circled waldo. I realize you would have been that kid.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
Come on. It's already happy hour in Europe...Man up. "I'm at work" and "it's a tuesday" are not valid excuses.
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
What part of "he tried to put his dick in my ear" did you not understand??
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
So I just got drugs from a house with a giant cross on it. Thank you, Jesus.
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
It's not vacation until I get called "disgustinly sexy" by an fat woman whose older than my mother.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
When the vodka monkeys are playing a drum solo in my skull tomorrow, remind me I tried to sterilize my body from the inside with titos
I have mastered the art of having sex on monkey bars.
Randomize
