The maid of honor just puked.
Tell her she can't have a vagina
I only kidnapped one of them. chill
I just got really nervous and swallowed all of my birth control
Little spoons don't ask big questions
My mom said I should get that 'not fucking anybody' problem fixed.
Just when you think you're never going to have sex again, BOOM you're naked in bed with a guatemalan
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
Ive seen his manscaping faults. Given the choice I'd rather dry hump a cactus
Is "when in doubt date the guy with the bigger dick" a good philosophy?
Friend as in 'I used to have sex with her' or friend as in 'I still want to have sex with her'?
you can only text me tonight if its in drake lyrics. thats the rule
I didn't know how to commemorate his death, so I snorted a fat line off of his obituary. Rest in peace.
DETAILS
long story
just tell me the parts i wanna hear
weed, brooklyn, rough sex.
You wanna come over?
Too high to be booty called. My cereal is growing hair.
Randomize
