There was a ginger baby in the car next to me. I almost totaled my car into the center divide.
I tried to assassinate the ginger baby
I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
i kinda want to bang the mythbusters girl... i bet she's got a nice snapper
do herpes really smell.
Thanks for telling my landlord that the poop stain was yours and not my secret dog.
frozen drink friday is suspended until further notice
onest when I told you I'm a paramedic but I'm also a stripper.
Like I had to call my dad because I couldn't manage to unlock the door. And when he got there to open it I was climbing the gate to get in.
Please rescue me. but take your time, im getting pizza
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
NO BABIES. YOUR VAGINA WILL BLEED WITHIN A FORTNIGHT.
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
My ex is stopping by while he’s working tonight after delivering a pizza to fuck me, then going back to work at Pizza Hut. This is what my life has become.
Randomize
