So I was just looking through the calendar on my phone seeing what day new years was on & on dec 31st at 9am it says "nude champagne toast". Guess we have to do it.
I saw a seagull swallow a hot-dog whole today, it reminded me of you.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
at least you got your priorties in line. new years first, than the baby.
i just remember sitting on this bed, naked, STILL WITH A CONDOM ON, and suddenly these random girls were in the room shouting at me
I found him CRAWLING across the garden. He saw me,smiled,and asked for a napkin.
I have too much pride to pick his chest hair out of my mouth again
Well I found you sipping ron diaz out of a child's dinosaur cup while sticking your fingers in the guy's fish tank and watching the "pirahnas" snap at your finger and laughing
My fridge broke, and apparently the back is missing. The repair guy just fixed it with a pizza box. I didn't ask where the box came from, but it wasn't mine. Reason #20 why rent is cheap.
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Eh maybe I should give her a chance. Let's see where making a porno takes the friendship
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
If you're mature enough to fuck him you're mature enough to tell him you don't want a relationship come on
So, I have realized that I am kryptonite for married men. I'm not sure how to feel about this sober, but drunk me accepts her destiny.
Randomize
