oh and i feel obligated to inform you that there will be no sexin' because it's 'lady time' for me. so this ain't a booty call.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
His dick was poking my bladder. That big...
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
just used clorox wipes to give myself a whores bath. hello finals week
Just heard one of my friends say, "if you're trying to take advantage of me I really dont care. I just want this beer." ..
she gave me her number. found out it was already stored in my phone as "bathroom blowjob"
Is 9am too early to be eating a mozzarella stick I found in my purse? Yeah didnt think so. The fact that it tastes like vomit is concerning but not importanta.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
....she made me stop for like 3 minutes so she could talk to her cat....
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
the best part of christmas was when my mom opened the handcuffs that were supposed to be for jen. Surprisingly, not the most awkward situation of the day.
I'm gonna watch porn and nap. I think I really have this Valentine's Day thing down
I'm like bob the builder except I'm fixing boners.
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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