Dude this girl just said she'd take me to pleasure town while giving me head
Will Ferrell is probably jerking himself off somewhere wishing he was you
i realized really quickly that drinking a bottle of vodka and 3 crystal light packets wasn't the best idea i've ever had
They wear helmets and mouth pieces when they drink...u down?
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
he looks SO much like Drake, I feel like an extreme groupie every time we have sex.
Being with her was like shitty sexual fear factor big ass sausage nipples over sized outty belly button i was scared and drunk tell know one
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
Me and you. The most fucked up people on the planet drinking together. Hell yeah
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
why did i wake up in the bathroom?
we had to stay with you a while until we convinced you it wasn't safe to wash your face, then you fell asleep with your foot in the toilet.
Ya can’t just go throwing accusations around about someone pooping their pants without some hard evidence
Randomize
