I just watched the Dark knight, Maggie Gylennhaal looks like Katie Holmes after a stroke
I hate babysitting girls whose boobs are bigger than mine.
Can you give me a hickey quick? Im going to a white trash themed party. Completely serious
how exactly do you say, "i only agreed to meet you for breakfast because i thought we could go to your place and fuck afterwards."
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
Btw... when someone is licking your balls, "yeah... that's not the worst thing in the world" is not an appropriate compliment/thank you.
Just an FYI if we break up I'm going to sleep with your cousin or who ever my dealer is.
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
Why does your place smell like gin and misery?
I prefer to think of it as 'ode to single life'
All his ex-girlfriends are delicate flowers, tho. And I'm like a trash compactor.
I wouldn't worry about it. You know what they say, THICK THIGHS MAKE THE DICK RISE.
Hey buddy, turns out those were the PB&shroomwiches, soooo you may want to reconsider dinner with your girlfriends family tonight...
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
What's the point of having a gay best friend if he doesn't play with your titties?
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