come downstairs quick. our boyfriends are having a dance off in nothing but their underwear and shoes. and they have semis too.
The best part was that when i tried to chase her she ran off in one of those barbie motorized jeeps that little kids use and i chased her on a big wheel, thru lincoln terrace
i checked my sent messages this morning and i had apparently tried to text the bar, saying "idk what i drank, do you?"
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
It's taking 3 penises to fill the hole he left in my heart.
The guy I woke up with is wearing the same nailpolish as me...I need to stop drinking
After he came, I wiped my mouth on my baby blanket. I could feel nana rolling over in her grave.
I want my birthday to be like the hunger games where all the contenders for my vaj have to fight each other off to win the prize
Can I have the second place winner?
Its not often you get to say, "The security guard at my job is my new drug dealer," but as of last night, I get to say it.
You started crawling towards a moving train. Maybe you should take it easy next time
You tried to prove you weren't drunk by loudly singing the romanian national anthem. Why the fuck do you even KNOW the romanian national anthem?
Well, I got fired yesterday. At least I already paid for my Adele tickets.
Do not take the D yet, he needs to be worth it. Your Vagina is GOLD.
Wait, I'm confused. I EMPTIED the bottle? as in consumed it? I'm impressed with myself.
Randomize
