So drunk i had to piss sitting down...
i just sat down and hooked up with this girl. after she left i called over another girl and did the same. this happened about four more times and i never left my chair
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Seriously though a big penis is like a puppy dog, or a sunny day or some other glorious thing
You are such a penis elitist
Bone him for me, BONE HIM TWICE FOR ME.
Wanna get really high and go on a Valentine's Day Sexathon cause we're both single or would that be weird?
I wanna come do a blessing for your apartment. And by that I mean I want to drink a lot of whiskey and watch ancient aliens in your apartment
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
I have a guy for practically everything... except for making me waffles on demand. will u be my waffle guy?
Who brings nunchucks to a funeral?
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Randomize
