he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Best feeling in the world? holding your pee all day for a negative preggo test
I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
I dont care how high you are, meat and sprinkles dont mix dude
It' a whole new level of walk of shame. I'm carrying his sheets since I have a washer/dryer.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Just calculated that for my last final tomorrow I need 120% to improve my grade and 53% to keep it..buying 30 packs now, go get dressed
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
as of this morning I have officially vommed on the highways of 6 different countries. It's a proud moment.
Can we please start going to the gym before I accidentally kill someone via explosive fat girl pants button accident
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
There is no issue with you seeing me...morally or ethically. we'll update your resume anyway. I really need to have sex with you later. Really
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
A person can only vomit Fireball so much before they quit it forever
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