All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
you mean i was at the winter classic?
I just bought condoms at Big Lots. please save this text so you can laugh at me in 9 months
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
You could probably play six degrees of separation of my cock in this city.
putting weed in the twinkies box was possibly the best idea you've ever had
I woke up in the ER. This living like theres no tomorrow really could mean theres no tomorrow.
Of dear god, I've been waiting to have rug burn like this since I got bored of my vibrator 2 months ago
I woke up to a 3rd person picture of my own dick sent from a 1-800 number..
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
I went on an adventure and now we have more food.
Well, really we just have fire sauce and cookies. But they're edible.
Doesn't matter how many times we tell him the kid's a freshman, he keeps repeating "cupcake boy shall be mine" and honestly you need to intervene
Randomize
