She said if it slipped out one more time she was going to duct tape it in her vagina
8am blowjobs give a whole new meaning to morning breath..
I learned an important lesson this weekend.... I'm way to good at sex to travel for it. From now on he drives here...
Woke up this morning with a note saying "great sex, see you never". Why can't I meet more women like her?
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
once again, we need to groom him to be a better human being. using liquor and tits.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
The Supreme Court upheld health insurance. If that's not an excuse to get hospital drunk, I don't know what is.
This is home. And home is where you find your family. And you try not to make out with your family.
He told me how it ended, then I blew him.
So he ruined the best cinematic experience of your life and you REWARDED him??
all we have is white fucking wine this is a travesty it's christmas not a fucking funeral
Do you think I can get away with quoting Work Bitch by Britney Spears in my speech?
lesbians are really intense tho, she made me take her eye makeup off and told me she was going to eat me for breakfast
Last thing I remember at your house last night is your dad leaning on the beer pong table and saying "you guys can fucking party"
It's only 3 AM. There's still time to get arrested today.
Randomize
