I love how my cats smell like pot.
I should show up to the gym drunk more often. I felt like i really motivated all the fat people.
He was fucking her while he was wiping my tears.
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
My dad just told me I can't passout in the driveway after the 4th of July parade this year, again
Is your gma going to be okay with me passed out drunk on the ground
so getting blacked out last night has made my lips so beautifully red for pictures today... and they say nothing good comes from alcohol
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
I felt I lost my designated buddy on a field trip when you wandered off to get high with strangers.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
A stripper set a mans ass on fire... the club smelled like burning ass and boxers.
but like who hasn’t gotten fingered at the state fair?
I now have scissors specifically made for cutting dicks off.
Randomize
