You know you love balls. Don't act all "I-Don't-Love-Balls-ish"
so this guy on craigslist is offering a case of beer to shave his back. i think i'm gonna take him up on it.
The bar I'm at just passed out smores to everyone. I don't know what it has to do with cinco de mayo but I'm down.
I noticed how good my hair still looked. Apparently rum and coke in it helps it stay curly thru sex. May be using this more often.
im drinking italian dressing and watching dexter. its 230am. lets never drink on sundays again.
Just hooked up with the fireman who put out the quesadilla fiasco last tuesday.
I just found pizaa roll in my hair. Already been to class today
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
Word of advice, don't put your jar if peanut butter in the microwave, blue fire comes out
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
I broke my wrist trying to give him a blow job...
And this is why we can’t have nice things
Ignore him I am the one that wears the pants in the relationship while "the big man" cries in bed
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