NO FUCKING WAY. PLEASE MAKE HER IMPLANT THAT POOR KID INTO A RESPONSIBLE UTERUS.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
Was I shouting at a fire engine last Friday?
No no no...you park the car, stick your tongue down his throat, slip your number in his pocket, invite him to insomnia, and THEN LEAVE. You go from awkward to epic in a matter of seconds.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
God I need to stop before there's a picture of my dick on my mom's phone.
My Sundays are fucking awful. Can't get a blow job.....can't get a win.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I walked in on him jerking it to videos of UFC fighters. The most awkward part: he didn't stop when I walked in.
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
he was wearing a widestriped red gingham suit jacket with complete sincerity im not surprised she beat the shit out of him
my morning attempts to try to have sex with him was interrupted by the passion of the christ parade going on outside my house
I don't know where you went, but if you're anywhere near the liquor, pour me another drink
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