I just saw the dad from "Little People Big World" at the airport. I chased him down and congratulated him for beating the DUI.
I'm going to save the lime from my McDonald's salad to use in my Corona later tonight.
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
The way I'm gonna look at it is, if you don't makeout with your roommate once in college, you didn't do something right.
corona bottle fell out of my backpack and broke in the middle of my physics midterm. yay me.
There are cops on horseback in our back yard
i think the theme of this summer is "shitting in weird locations."
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Well I'm sleeping with two of them cause they have nice cars. And the third cause she has a big rack. I'm just really waiting for it all to blow up in my face so I can find a girl I'm actually interested in
It is unclear if my flaming esophagus is hangover induced.
He puked in the middle of it and I still wasn't disappointed.
I danced shirtless on a platform with a fucking stripper who went to MIT
Girl... I just woke up with a bloody mary in a to go cup on my nightstand and two hours late for work.. I'm sorry i can't go out on weekdays anymore. Luckily my boss was just happy i was ok
Randomize
