Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
It's kind of sad that your greatest accomplishment today is that you stood up and didn't fall down.
His car is carseat is compatible. I checked while we were banging in the back seat...
I have hit nutritional rock bottom I am spreading peanut butter on to lays potato chips
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I'm hoping my engineering degree will pay off when I invent porn watching in the shower
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
Do you have pictures of my pancakes
I need to show the world
They are the pancake equivalent of eventual wife
I wish I could have a tequila IV with me all the time. Intravenous tequila intoxication.
I just gave him road head. He came in the Taco Bell drive thru which seems pretty typical for my life.
I buy a new bowl every time I get a new guy. It's retail therapy.
unless you want this visit to have a different tone... more romantic, less molly in a hotel room
What's the best way to tell a guy he can call me when his impending divorce is finalized?
Randomize
