You know it's time to leave Spain when you are back and forth between Skype and a Spanish dictionary trying to figure out out to say "I can still smell you on my skin."
she broke up with me using backstreet boy lyrics
you deserved it if you knew it was backstreet boys.
Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
she walked out and i tried to get her to come back but i couldn't remember her name so i just whistled... future reference: that doesn't work
he paid for dinner at the eiffel tower. drinks at a bar on the champs elysees. gave me a motorcycle ride back to his house, got us heineken and then took me to park overlooking paris. where he ate me out on a park bench. still have doubts about the french?
I know that was a dream because I woke up and there was no pizza
The hookers weren't a dream get tested
Ok spinning in the opposite direction thatg the room was spinning was the worst advice ever
You can't just leave with hair like that
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
She mentions her boyfriend one more time, I'm taking her home and breaking that shit up.
Let's try finding a bar where there aren't people who want to hang me from a tree by my nutsack
I feel bad cuz I was his ride home, but I didn't know I was going to have a religious experience with a guy in a cookie monster t-shirt. You can't plan for that shit.
I passed out drunk in her bed. Her boyfriend showed up and told me to go to the other room or we were gonna have a threesome. I threw up off the side of her bed and left. I feel like that was an adequate response.
Everyone is all excited about the iPhone 7 being water resistant and I'm only concerned with whether or not it can be destroyed by salsa or cum
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
Randomize
