please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
just throwing this out there: period starts tomorrow sooo either sex tonight or not until tues/weds.
i get a bj anyways so it's really your choice.
k i'll be over in 5.
You asked him to stand still, you put your leg on his shoulder, started dry humping the air
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
I got stoned in my snow covered car and pretended I was burried alive
nothin like your phone freezing up and sending out old booty calls at 11am on a sunday. fml.
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
The plan is that you eat an edible first, then pressure your dad to do one. You know you are down.
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
Apparently, the right response to, "How do you feel about a terrorist being in the area?" isn't, "Well, we have vodka in the freezer, so we're good for now."
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
I did cocaine with my cab driver all night. It was the best date.
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