Note: footlong is not the password to the subway wi fi network.. p.s- im super high
My booty call got married. Come over before I start tagging all the places my dick has been in her wedding photos.
i think its awesome that according to your mom i'm your friend that caught on fire.
when life gives you lemons, puke and rally.
I still have a scar from the last time she gave me a handjob. There is NO WAY i'll stick my dick anywhere near her again
This guy smells like mr Rogers puppets and I don't know how to deal with it
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
He's claiming he can open a beer bottle with anything. He's been trying for a while now with a power rangers action figure and he is just cutting the hell out of his hand. There is blood all over billy
They tried to dine n dash at dennys and the waiter jumped on their car and broke their windshield
I just got my evaluation. My manager told me he hated my guts and pretty much wanted to stab me in the face. Then he gave me an "exceeds expectations" on pretty much everything and a raise.
My phone just said I texted someone at 430a and said let's fight. Then I texted them an hour later and said thanks.
I just slammed a bottle of white wine before I came to Whole Foods so basically I'm just training to be a middle aged white woman.
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
Sitting naked, eating lucky charms with rain boots on
HE CALLED HIMSELF HOT BAR GUY.
If I remember correctly he wasn’t
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