I am midnight drunk by noon
Give me a heads up the next time you BBM me a voicenote of you cumming so I'll make sure not to play it while in the car with my parents. Miss you too.
id pay someone 5 dollars to tell me whos house im at right now. comfy couch though
i'm sorry i gave your brother a handjob while you were on the blanket next to us, but to be fair your back was turned.
You should never talk to him again. Unless its you knocking on the door and punching his dick.
the party has pretty much ended, it's just 20ish of us jumping and grinding to music from some guy's phone in the corner.
I hate him and his pretentious your-sleeping-in-the-wet-spot look.
wait, how does the 20 year old one night stand pregnant girl have a superiority complex?
there is nothing worst than getting kicked in the face by a stripper
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I would not be watching the debate if there wasn't drinking involved. Let's be honest.
People were staring and acting all judgmental and offended... Like they've never seen anyone breastfeed in a liquor store.
It's amazing the amount I can accomplish with a glass of wine in my hand.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
Yeah, sometimes it takes a while to realize, wow you kind of suck and not in the fun way
Randomize
