Is it bad to mix sunny d with vodka if i dont have any real OJ?
I've mixd ketchup with vodka before and called it a bloody mary, so, no.
He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
so the guy behind me in court for my DUI hearing got a DUI on a lawnmower at 1AM...he is my new hero
so i realized that everyone figured out i was a slut before i did. then i realized that no one felt like telling me. sometimes i think you just keep me around for entertainment.
you're right.
You both must have been completely wasted because every once in a while we would hear you both stop and start singing to each other. At one point it was taylor swift.
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
I was the oldest, shortest, and soberest at the New Years party last night. My life sucks
I woke up remembering only that I got pulled over by a cop, then looked over and found that same cop, naked.
You know you're old when you’re masturbating and you pull your hip
She tied me to the bed and did lines off my chest before sex. I’m going to put that on my bucket list just so I can cross it off
Bahahaha I just turned on the fan in front of the elliptical to avoid puking//try to get some baywatch hair going and the guy next to me thanked me because he was "getting nauseas from the smell of stale sweat and tequila"
Randomize
