You should dream of me :)
I'm going to dream of single life.
I just bought the big bottle of Patron. It looks small. What have I done with my life?
Succeeded.
dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
what if cement was really a rainbow color they just secretly paint it grey so as not to distract drivers
are you high?
Why does Corona taste like a burp?
Why did that cocktail waitress get to sleep with Tiger for 2 years, and all I ever got for living in Whorelando for five years is a couple of pictures with Joey Fatone
It's either jizz or frosting, and either way, someone's being held accountable.
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
This has been the biggest binge-drinking season of the decade.
I just put on eyeliner and a diff shirt in case the pizza guy is cute. This is what my dating life has come to
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
If I get laid dressed as one of the McPoyle twins, I deserve all the medals.
I know you all think its cute to drop me off in a different state when I black out, but I can't wake up in family campgrounds asking where I am. These parents are scared.
It's settled. One of us is going to bang her brother. The world demands justice and he's hot. We'll be the justice league if it were made of alcoholic whores
No more pre-dentist shots, I just puked on my hygienist
Randomize
