whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
We were playing flip cup on the nice dining room table. Losing team had to shamwow the table in between rounds
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
The plan is to make enough mistakes this weekend to hold me over until spring break
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
She set fire to my carpet trying to power-dry puke covered cigs with Josh's blowtorch. How she found it in the garage is beyond me but if you bring her with you again I'll shoot you myself.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
An old white couple caught us smoking the foot long. THE LOOK ON THEIR FACES.
Masturbating with Lord of the Rings on was not how I planned my afternoon going but here I am.
He lit my hand on fire and bought me chicken nuggets. I'm in love.
I can't get past the whole vibrator up the ass stunt.. Can we have a ceremonial burning for his dignity because I will not ever touch that again..
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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