i waited two years for her to sleep with me. it just didnt seem worth it.
she lost her virginity three hours after you dumped her.
are you serious?
He pulled the washer 5 feet out from the wall screaming about quarters
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Babe. Honestly. Trust me. Your balls are not that big. And i'm eager.
You drink it until you puke in a vent one time and it's ruined forever.
You told me "I need to pound this drinks if I'm going to pretend his dick is big enough" then left. Dollar night quotes 2012
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
You got kicked out after 30 minutes, 3 beers and 2 shots. Group record. Also you kept rubbing his belly and calling him buddha.
He told me the hickey on the side if his neck was actually a "bruise" from hitting a bird on his motorcycle. I'm not sure what's more impressive, the fact people believed him due to the size of the mark or the fact you gave it to him.
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
I got bit by a peacock. That's how hard shit went down last night.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
I used the line "you don't have enough pillows". Then left. Thought you should know.
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