fix you gags fore go to garrits please? !!!!!!!
What does that mean?
How when the cu k dos I yet u
Focus
I like waking up with a slight hangover cause I'm dehydrated and it makes me feel thinner.
And then he said "my dick isn't hard enough and your tits aren't big enough for this to work"
Somebody spraypainted a transformers head on a transformer box..my life is complete
Reason 37 booty call break ups suck: I literally could not find his house in the daytime.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
He made a toga out of my hot pink bed sheets and cracked an egg on his head. Then he proceeded to alphabetize our DVD collection, which was impressive because I'm 99% sure he couldn't have done that sober.
Just spent the morning washing Bailey's and Guiness out of my clothes -_-
WHEN THE HELL DOES ANYTHING IN OUR LIVES *EVER* GO AS PLANNED???
Your penis caused this!
For some reason, my alarm clock was unplugged & in the kitchen microwave. I don't remember doing that...
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Randomize
