Can you believe The 5th Element didn't get best fight scene in 1997?! I'm still bitter. 12 years later.
Haha how do you remember that?
HOW COULD I FORGET?!
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
He was singing "i gotta feeling" under his breath as i was pulling my top off.
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
And your hair- I'd make sure to pee on it first.
Nothing like a 3am firealarm to kick a booty call out...
The trees feel like magic. Come fly to taco bell with me.
The bride and groom wore the Batman masks I brought. Best wedding ever.
Do you remember me making bird noises at the bartender with some guy at the bar last night?
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Pretty sure at some point last night i said to myself "it'll be fun to completely lose my mind for a night"
So, my eyeglasses somehow ended up in my nightstand drawer and they're covered in lube.
My goal tonight is to be arrested by the Police Women of Cincinnati.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
