she looked like the bat from fern gully.
I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
So there is this guy preaching the word of God outside our club. I went up to him and said, "God made this body, and he made it for premarital sex." Sup, Hell?
I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Look what our sorority has done to us...we're hitting on girls in hopes of getting an awesome little.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Will that be creepy to wake him up at midnight with my tongue all over his body??
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
I just heard myself say the sentence "I'm gonna go to the bank then take a nap". 8 year old me just slapped my present self through the space-time continuum for being an old fuck.
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
Can i have the words "she went crazy and never came back" written on my grave?
The FEDEX guy just cock blocked me by getting his van stuck in my driveway
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
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