You can bone my sister, but I will end our friendship if you write 'LOLERS' one more time at the end of your texts.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
And I'm supposed to be surprised that you got another concussion?
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
Josh has a goal of being naked in every RAs room this year. He's already 3/11.
Were making Christian mingle accounts. First one to get laid doesn't pay bar tabs for a month.
Challenge accepted. See you in hell.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
Seriously? We dated for 2 weeks. TWO. And I've crushed his soul and put out the light in his dark world? What the actual fuck.
Yeah, well. That's what you get for dating a musician.
I just almost caught my floor on fire, then decided I could put it out with my knuckles! So I'm doing good!
My mind's like "He's a sexist pig" but my uterus is like "YOU SHALL BEAR HIM STRONG CHILDREN"
I have bits of ceiling fan all over now
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
Like a gentleman I waited until you were done vomming to start my Big Mac.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
